FAUX FINISH: BROTHER, CAN YOU SPARE A DIME?
By Jerome Cleary
How many of us walk or drive down the street and see homeless people sleeping on the sidewalks, parks and elsewhere or begging for change? We know there are shelters for the homeless and government agencies to help these people get the proper help and get them back on their feet. Though we also know through the media and in life that some do not want help for rehabilitation and want to live on the street.Then there are the typical scams you can encounter living in Southern California of people who tell you that they are out of gas money, do not have enough money for their bus ticket, plane ticket to go back home to the midwest, etc. These are what I will refer to as the faux-homeless.Years ago, I came upon a paperback book called “The Panhandler’s Notebook,” and it revealed how much you could take in a week, month or year just begging for money. It showed how you could come up with your character and your back story in case you ran into the same people every day who had already donated to your fake plight. Several years ago there was this riveting story in The New York Times about a real homeless guy who was in his late 50s who panhandled on the upper East Side of New York City. He was grossing $8,000 a month in cash and tax-free. This guy though had a bad addiction to crack so he was not spending it wisely. Somehow he got reunited with his real daughter and a grandson he never met. It was a real happy ending.Then there is this guy who in the last 20 years of my life in West Hollywood has his routine down pat. He is Caucasian, around 5-feet, 11-inches tall, brown hair, and I think brown or blue eyes, in his late 40s and he wears a light blue jumpsuit that is a bit greasy and dirty and carries a motorcycle helmet. He will approach you and say that his motorcycle just broke down, and he needs to get gas or get it fixed. You will never really see his motorcycle since I believe he just invested enough money in to his scam to let you see him cradling a motorcycle helmet. One night at a City Council meeting, I saw that someone directed him into the auditorium on San Vicente Boulevard. There were some residents trying to be helpful directing him to a city staff member, then on to a city council deputy, then to a sheriff’s deputy. I watched in amazement since the auditorium was packed at this particular city council meeting. This man grew a bit annoyed because his ruse was now being challenged in having to interact with too many helpful people who were not readily digging in to their pockets to help him out in his false plight. Plus, the last thing this scam artist wanted help with was speaking with the police. Fake panhandlers probably only like to perform their one-man show to one innocent person walking by on the sidewalk as their prey.About a month later, I ran into him on San Vicente Boulevard next to the West Hollywood Park. Just as he was coming towards me to pass, I said, “That scam’s tired.” Without missing a beat, he yelled angrily — and with apparent joy — “It f---ing works.”That is the real American spirit — to be so proud at the job one does they want to celebrate and announce it too.Jerome Cleary is a writer, TV talk show host and comic at The World Famous Comedy Store-www.freecomedytickets.com and can be reached at: jeromeclearytalk@aol.com
How many of us walk or drive down the street and see homeless people sleeping on the sidewalks, parks and elsewhere or begging for change? We know there are shelters for the homeless and government agencies to help these people get the proper help and get them back on their feet. Though we also know through the media and in life that some do not want help for rehabilitation and want to live on the street.Then there are the typical scams you can encounter living in Southern California of people who tell you that they are out of gas money, do not have enough money for their bus ticket, plane ticket to go back home to the midwest, etc. These are what I will refer to as the faux-homeless.Years ago, I came upon a paperback book called “The Panhandler’s Notebook,” and it revealed how much you could take in a week, month or year just begging for money. It showed how you could come up with your character and your back story in case you ran into the same people every day who had already donated to your fake plight. Several years ago there was this riveting story in The New York Times about a real homeless guy who was in his late 50s who panhandled on the upper East Side of New York City. He was grossing $8,000 a month in cash and tax-free. This guy though had a bad addiction to crack so he was not spending it wisely. Somehow he got reunited with his real daughter and a grandson he never met. It was a real happy ending.Then there is this guy who in the last 20 years of my life in West Hollywood has his routine down pat. He is Caucasian, around 5-feet, 11-inches tall, brown hair, and I think brown or blue eyes, in his late 40s and he wears a light blue jumpsuit that is a bit greasy and dirty and carries a motorcycle helmet. He will approach you and say that his motorcycle just broke down, and he needs to get gas or get it fixed. You will never really see his motorcycle since I believe he just invested enough money in to his scam to let you see him cradling a motorcycle helmet. One night at a City Council meeting, I saw that someone directed him into the auditorium on San Vicente Boulevard. There were some residents trying to be helpful directing him to a city staff member, then on to a city council deputy, then to a sheriff’s deputy. I watched in amazement since the auditorium was packed at this particular city council meeting. This man grew a bit annoyed because his ruse was now being challenged in having to interact with too many helpful people who were not readily digging in to their pockets to help him out in his false plight. Plus, the last thing this scam artist wanted help with was speaking with the police. Fake panhandlers probably only like to perform their one-man show to one innocent person walking by on the sidewalk as their prey.About a month later, I ran into him on San Vicente Boulevard next to the West Hollywood Park. Just as he was coming towards me to pass, I said, “That scam’s tired.” Without missing a beat, he yelled angrily — and with apparent joy — “It f---ing works.”That is the real American spirit — to be so proud at the job one does they want to celebrate and announce it too.Jerome Cleary is a writer, TV talk show host and comic at The World Famous Comedy Store-www.freecomedytickets.com and can be reached at: jeromeclearytalk@aol.com
posted by JeromeCleary @ 4:33 PM
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