HOT CHILD IN THE CITY

By Jerome Cleary

Summer is already here and that means hot weather. Do you know what is worse than the heat? Children left in cars all day. It's an epidemic especially in Southern California. Last summer, it was again a cause for concern. Last year the LA Times leap published a list of "Tips To Prevent Tragedy" which they had in the Automotive Section, so I am sure you all saw it. But if you did not, below are their first two tips:1. Always put something - cell phone, briefcase, purse - in the back seat that you will need to retrieve when you get out. It will guarantee that you'll open the back door and see your child.2. (My favorite) Keep a large teddy bear in the child's car seat when no one's in it. When the child is placed in the car seat, bring the teddy bear up front as a reminder that your child is in the back seat.That was handy as the heat during the summer can make anywhere in the valley feels like it's a mile from the sun.Do you know who the real victims are? The parents. Parents are really busy and have a lot on their mind as they keep track of their yoga mat, non-fat soy latte and appointment book. Damn that child for nodding off and being so quiet in the back seat.I tried to imagine a new useful PSA (public service announcement) that features just an empty baby bottle. As the voice over says: "A full tummy-equals a silent dummy. Don't feed the child. Don't feed the child."I don't think I've ever heard of a crack baby accidentally left in someone's car. No, cause that crack baby is angry and tired and wants his crack pipe now. I believe I have come up with a better list of "Tips To Prevent Tragedy" and here they are:1. Tie a cowbell around your kid's neck, it's sure to clang on sharp curves on the way to daycare.2. Get some birthday cake sparklers, place them in each of your kid's hands and light them. (You may want to put oven mitts on your kid's hands first for this one.)3. Break out the old Halloween costumes — a bright purple Barney, a bright yellow Sponge Bob on your child will make it easy for you not to miss your child as you run from the parking lot in the dead heat in to the mall.4. Get some colored construction paper: Cut out a "B" for baby and tape the "B" on to your dash board, or cut out a "T" if you have twins, or cut out a number "3" if you have triplets.Some of you are probably thinking: "What if you have quadruplets?" Now that is a trick question, since you would put three of them in the back and put the forth one in the front seat, so you definitely don't need any reminders.Jerome Cleary is a writer, TV talk show host and comic at The World Famous Comedy Store-www.freecomedytickets.com and can be reached at: jeromeclearytalk@aol.com