THE CHRISTMAS THAT ALMOST WASN'T

By Jerome Cleary

The holidays are a time where people come together and celebrate many things. Some of us who seek to escape the drama of our real families or have no family, have created our own families with our friends to see us through the holidays.

By doing this, you may believe you have escaped the drama and dysfunction of your real family, though your friends may make up for it in their own special way. The week before Christmas I was invited to have dinner with a couple on Christmas Eve. It would be just the three of us. Yeah, I’ve been the third wheel and candleholder before.

At first it seemed like a great idea, now as time was passing it was beginning to look a lot like not Christmas. Then Art invited two friends of mine, a couple —Tim and Kevin — who I had recently introduced to him.

So now the dinner plans had two couples and me. Then Art invited another couple from Northern California. So now it’s three couples and me. I ran into my friend Fred who had Art and me over for Christmas dinner the year before. So I invited him and told Art that I had done so.

So the next day I get a text message from Art that read: ‘Fred can’t come.’ I texted back: ‘Why?’ Art texted back: ‘Not enough room at the table and Mark doesn’t know him.’ I texted back: ‘Now I have a problem as I know I did not ask you if I could bring a guest, but I did not think it was a big deal since I took you last Christmas to Fred’s house for dinner. So it would be rude of me to uninvite him, so now I am going to tell him it’s been cancelled, then he will want to do something with me so now I can’t go.’ I also know that my friend Art's reason is lame because if three couples and I can sit at a table that is seven people and we all know that eight can sit at a rectangular table. Plus it’s the holidays so what if people are squeezed in?

So I do not hear back from Art for several days.

To let you know the history of Art and Mark as a couple: A year ago last Christmas Eve, I told Art to meet me at a bar. Art was at home and was not planning to go out at all that night. I was running five minutes late so as Art was waiting for me on the front sidewalk, Mark was leaving the club and they met. So I basically helped Art meet his boyfriend. After they were dating for about six months, they broke up. I facilitated them getting back together as I was the go-between for telling them what they should do or what the problem was in their breakup. I also offer free therapy as a friend too.

Let’s recap this holiday story. So basically I am the Angel in the story. At least in my version, I am. I helped two people meet by happenstance. I got them back together after they broke up. I get invited to spend Christmas Eve dinner with them. I get told by a text message that a mutual friend cannot come with me. I bail out of the dinner by being loyal to my friend who I invited by not un-inviting him. Plus, my two friends Tim and Kevin are now going to a dinner that I am not going to and are only going because I recently introduced them to Art and Mark. A few days pass and it’s discovered that Fred cannot make it, so I text message Art to inform him Fred is not coming. Art text messages back to me: ‘I substituted Rena in for you and now we are full.’

So because I became a bit evil from this experience and wanted to stir the pot one more time: I texted message my friend Tim who is going to the dinner: ‘Tim, you’ve come full circle from working with Mother Theresa to being at a Christmas Eve dinner where there is not enough room for your friend.’

What a way to spend Christmas!

Jerome Cleary is an actor, writer and comic at The World Famous Comedy Store-www.freecomedytickets.com and can be reached at: jeromeclearytalk@aol.com