AMBER ALERT: THE NEW ALPHA CUSTOMER SERVICE

By Jerome Cleary

So just when I thought customer service could not get any worse, it did. I had a crazy making interaction with a female manager at my local gym named Amber. That is why I am putting out this Amber Alert.

I don’t want to reveal the name of my gym but it rhymes with munch. The irony in this health club’s motto is: 'No Judgments.' Believe me at this gym, I have never been judged so much by the personnel there.

It appears that customer service people and managers have a new way to receive a customer’s request or complaint. They now attack you in response ,I am guessing, to make you feel bad or question your valid information.

If the Alpha customer service person or manager attacks or insults you, most likely the average customer will become confused or feel bad and just go away. This new Alpha Customer service automatically dominates you and makes you the victim.

My interaction with Alpha Amber was so bizarre that I would classify her personality as metallic. Alpha Amber was so excited to tell me very quickly that she was a very successful manager when I asked her how long she was a manager. Alpha Amber’s tone in telling me she was a successful manager could be defined as glowing and smug. I guess Alpha Amber was hoping that I would be so impressed that I would just hang up and go away.

Now mind you, I would only believe a manager was successful based on their performance right now or in the future. Not from Alpha Amber’s glowing self-appointed review of oneself.

In many instances I now find that when you request something or mention a problem, you now must be ready to spar with the best.

In the past year I was told in response to a legitimate reasonable request that the customer service person was telling me how pissed off they were at me. Huh? My mere request has you angry at me? I was also recently told: I do not like the way you are complaining to me. I begin to wonder am I supposed to send out a formal calligraphy invite to make a request or complaint in a special way to make it more soothing and gentle.

I also find if walk in to a business and remark to the person behind the counter: it is really hot in here. They have responded with: I’m not hot. I then am standing there dumb founded since I still believe and thought I was the customer.

In the Alpha Amber story, she had told me in our initial call to call her the following Monday. This confused me further since Alpha Amber already had self-crowned herself a successful manager that she would initiate the call and contact me the next week.

But I am now guessing that Alpha Amber wanted me to be her own tickler file system since she was hoping all customers would just, well, go away and not bother her. Maybe I would forget to call her on the upcoming Monday. That would probably be a success in Alpha Amber’s world.

I yearn for the years ago where there was only docile customer service that really wanted me as a customer and liked me being there.

Jerome Cleary is an actor, writer and comic at The World Famous Comedy Store — www.freecomedytickets.com and can be reached at: jeromeclearytalk@aol.com