THE FIGURE 8 THEORY: WHY SO MANY PEOPLE ARE SINGLE
By Jerome Cleary
It's called: The Figure 8 Theory. It was formulated over time and calculations were adjusted accordingly. The Figure 8 Theory applies to same sex and opposite sex relationships, and it has nothing to do with ice-skating or ice dancing. The Figure 8 Theory is important for two reasons. One, finally we have the real reason why so many people are single; and, two, it makes so much sense. The Figure 8 Theory has to do with actually eight individuals, where some individuals do not even know they are a part of an equation.
Let's say there are two people dating and or in a relationship. Somehow this relationship is open which means they can cheat and see other people. Cheat is such a harsh term, and I guess smacks of the 70s, but you get the idea. Sometimes both people in a relationship are fully aware of this open relationship, though sometimes not.
Person 1 is committed to person 2, though now person 1 has two other people they see from time to time on the side. They will be called 3 and 4. Person 2 has one other person on the side too, which is named person 5. Person 3 had a relationship with a person named 6, and person 6 is seeing someone on the side from time to time who is named person 7. Person 7 is in a relationship with person 8. Thus, 8 people are used up in this equation. There are probably larger numbered theories at play here, like The Figure 12, 16 and 24, but let’s not even go there. Do you get the picture now? Nice people and potential soul mates are sucked in to the black hole of The Figure 8 Theory.
My calculations came rushing back to me recenlty while I was waiting in line for an advance screening of Failure To Launch with Matthew McCaughnehy and Sarah Jessica Parker. The irony of this film's title was actually a foreshadowing of what was to come. The movie was great, my revelation in line was not since I ran into some guy I vaguely know from the gym. This guy I'll name for my example is person A who was already dating B when I met him initially three years ago. Back then, this guy A was willing to include me in on the deal of being his person C on the side. I declined as I was not really interested in being just person C because I would have liked to been person B or even A.
So last week when I ran into him, I said to him in our long boring conversation: Oh do you still have a boyfriend? To which he replied: Yeah, but a new one. And I replied, kidding (all the while as The Figure 8 Theory danced in my head), Oh, I guess I missed out on your recent opening. At which he laughed since he did not really understand the depth of my dig. Because he is person A in this equation, he has had probably tons of openings, since there is never any down time in this person A's lifestyle. Person A has to piggy-back as many extra bodies into his dating scheme since the thought of being alone momentarily or alone with person B is not even considered. There are tons of openings for C's, D's and even E through Z at any time for this selfish greedy needy person A. It never dawns on person A that they may be stealing away and holding hostage any of our pre-destined soul mates.
I have resisted for years being included in The Figure 8 Theory, but maybe I am missing out. Some know a good thing when they see it. Others get globbed on to without even knowing it. I guess whoever said You can't have your cake and eat it too was dead wrong.
Jerome Cleary is an actor, writer and comic at The World Famous Comedy Store-www.freecomedytickets.com and can be reached at: jeromeclearytalk@aol.com
It's called: The Figure 8 Theory. It was formulated over time and calculations were adjusted accordingly. The Figure 8 Theory applies to same sex and opposite sex relationships, and it has nothing to do with ice-skating or ice dancing. The Figure 8 Theory is important for two reasons. One, finally we have the real reason why so many people are single; and, two, it makes so much sense. The Figure 8 Theory has to do with actually eight individuals, where some individuals do not even know they are a part of an equation.
Let's say there are two people dating and or in a relationship. Somehow this relationship is open which means they can cheat and see other people. Cheat is such a harsh term, and I guess smacks of the 70s, but you get the idea. Sometimes both people in a relationship are fully aware of this open relationship, though sometimes not.
Person 1 is committed to person 2, though now person 1 has two other people they see from time to time on the side. They will be called 3 and 4. Person 2 has one other person on the side too, which is named person 5. Person 3 had a relationship with a person named 6, and person 6 is seeing someone on the side from time to time who is named person 7. Person 7 is in a relationship with person 8. Thus, 8 people are used up in this equation. There are probably larger numbered theories at play here, like The Figure 12, 16 and 24, but let’s not even go there. Do you get the picture now? Nice people and potential soul mates are sucked in to the black hole of The Figure 8 Theory.
My calculations came rushing back to me recenlty while I was waiting in line for an advance screening of Failure To Launch with Matthew McCaughnehy and Sarah Jessica Parker. The irony of this film's title was actually a foreshadowing of what was to come. The movie was great, my revelation in line was not since I ran into some guy I vaguely know from the gym. This guy I'll name for my example is person A who was already dating B when I met him initially three years ago. Back then, this guy A was willing to include me in on the deal of being his person C on the side. I declined as I was not really interested in being just person C because I would have liked to been person B or even A.
So last week when I ran into him, I said to him in our long boring conversation: Oh do you still have a boyfriend? To which he replied: Yeah, but a new one. And I replied, kidding (all the while as The Figure 8 Theory danced in my head), Oh, I guess I missed out on your recent opening. At which he laughed since he did not really understand the depth of my dig. Because he is person A in this equation, he has had probably tons of openings, since there is never any down time in this person A's lifestyle. Person A has to piggy-back as many extra bodies into his dating scheme since the thought of being alone momentarily or alone with person B is not even considered. There are tons of openings for C's, D's and even E through Z at any time for this selfish greedy needy person A. It never dawns on person A that they may be stealing away and holding hostage any of our pre-destined soul mates.
I have resisted for years being included in The Figure 8 Theory, but maybe I am missing out. Some know a good thing when they see it. Others get globbed on to without even knowing it. I guess whoever said You can't have your cake and eat it too was dead wrong.
Jerome Cleary is an actor, writer and comic at The World Famous Comedy Store-www.freecomedytickets.com and can be reached at: jeromeclearytalk@aol.com
posted by JeromeCleary @ 1:38 AM
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